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Reliving my life

Fuck what a tough day. I just had to meet up with my brother in laws family and tell them that they can’t talk to their sibling/son anymore unless he is asking for help with his alcoholism. I also saw the devastation of what an alcoholic can do to a family. It’s not as hard to see when it is someone else’s family but when it’s yours it’s a lot tougher.
All the empty cheap rum bottles like my vodka ones hidden. Jugs of piss (I didn’t do a lot of this stuff in my drinking days but it brought me back to that I could have or can still be if I don’t stay sober) holes in the walls, the mess and chaos. The family calling up a locksmith to get the locks changed, the police at their house at 530 this morning. My brother in laws mom just looking absolutely devastated, me telling my story of my sobriety and alcoholic life. That sad look in someone’s eyes when you tell them that someone they love is hurting and you have to let them get deeper into their bottom before they can help them selves.
It’s so tough because not only are you looking at a family in pain but you are reliving the pain and anguish you caused your own family. I kept only looking into the moms eyes and seeing my own moms just reliving that is painful and I can’t stop thinking about the family and the help they need. All I could do is relate to them my story and hope with them that there loved one will get better before he gets sicker. I got them phone numbers of detoxes and rehabs and outpatients around here. I gave them the phone number of the man who got me into a detox.
The guy doesn’t want any help, he doesn’t think he has a problem and he has a girlfriend that signs his bullshit, supports him financially and brings him booze.
This family is going through hell and all I can say is let him get worse, don’t let him in your house, don’t talk to him and don’t give him money. Let him live in a motel until his money runs out and then see what happens

Filed under I still have to do step 9 sober sobriety alanon help

6 notes

To end this weekend

It’s been a pretty tough weekend tv broke yesterday and I spent way more than I wanted to on anew one. Dropped my iPad today and cracked the screen but it’s not too bad and it is four years old. Saw my ex wife with her boyfriend at a party. My ex girlfriend was there also but we get along great. Everyone at the party was smashed when I got there but guess what I didn’t drink.
I have to look on the bright side I was cordial to my ex and her boyfriend, and a good friend of mine that knew that she was cheating and didn’t tell me. There was no animosity and it actually seemed a lot more awkward to her and her bf than it did to me. I said hello to them and shook their hands and they didn’t even say goodbye to me.
The other great thing that happened was I got accepted for a best buy credit card. Now I know that may not seem like much but I am a homeowner, I got a mortgage, but I couldn’t get a credit card because I had no credit rating. Because of my alcoholism my exwife had complete control of the bills. Everything was in her name. My truck, her car, our house, all of our credit cards, everything that could possibly give me a credit rating was in her name. I don’t regret it bc any of those things in my name at that time would have been a catastrophe. But I have been trying for the last year and a half to get a credit card and I finally was able to get one.
With all the stress in my life lately and there is more than just this, career change, trying to finish my house to sell it, new job starting up that will make my travel to and from work 2 hours longer with no extra pay.
I don’t drink, I just don’t and it’s been tough lately I really just want to sit back and relax and have a beer but I know I don’t really want just a beer. I just don’t want to think for a while and that means 100 proof vodka hidden in my garage a jug handle a night. I know it won’t start that way but it will end that way. I’d give myself a month maybe less .
So I go to meetings and don’t drink that’s it.
I like to ramble a little

Filed under recovery alcoholic ineedtothinkandidontreallywantto AA

6 notes

So nobody said life wouldn’t be interesting when you get sober

I went to a party tonight an adult party and made my first mistake by showing up really late. My ex wife and her boyfriend was there, whom she cheated on me with and it was the first time we met, my ex girlfriend who I get along great with and my buddy who moved to Durango his ex girl was there
It started at three and I got there at nine now my ex girlfriend her sister who set us up was who threw the party.
I shook my ex wife’s hand when I got there and her boyfriends. Gave my ex and my friends ex a big hug and stayed for the next two hours. I talked to my ex wife a couple of times and actually had a good time. Even though I get all the questions of aa from everyone and at least two people come up to ask me if I think they are an alcoholic, and they’re usually pretty drunk. Which I try to tell them it isn’t up to me but more up to them to decide.
When I left the party I said goodbye to my ex wife and shook her boyfriends hand, gave my ex girlfriend a hug and told her I will call her(she needs some work done to her apartment before she moves her dog chewed up some trim) and my buddies drunk ex gave me a big kiss on the lips in front of everyone which I was not expecting at all and said she will call me this week. Pretty much everyone’s jaw dropped.
The only really good thing that came out of it is that a person I respect the most called me an old soul. I know some people may not understand why I would want to be called that. She explained it more as that I was in a very weird and difficult spot yet I was kind and courteous to my ex and her boyfriend. I was polite and respectful. I really like thinking I’m an old soul

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Some more pics I love my job

The corner that I did where the cypress goes up and in took me about 4 hours the roof pitches are completely different. So to make that angle hit properly and stay plumb and level took a lot of marh

7 notes

So we finished up the house I have been working on for the past year. 12,000 sq ft of a monster house. It’s been a blast a lot of high end work with ellipses and circular trim.
The doc we built it for gets bored with his house every four years and builds a new one. It’s good to be rich but thank god for him he keeps us really busy.

Filed under wish i could build this again ilovemyjob construction carpentey

410 notes


French supermarket chain Intermarche launched this promotional campaign to help reduce food waste from “undesirable” fruits and vegetables. Rather than throw out ugly, deformed, or damaged produce, Intermarche instead sells them with a unique twist.

Um. Why can’t we do this in the states

I hate everything about the French except for this and the Louvre


6 notes

Recovery tattoo

I was thinking about getting a tattoo of my date in recovery in big block numbers either on my left shoulder or inside of my left bicep. It will be my first tatoo every (yeah I’m 36 and my brother is covered from neck to foot) but I was wondering if anyone regretted theirs? I have over 4 years sober now and if I ever drank again it would be devastating almost to the suicidal point to look at it. But I also think that it may help me never have a drink again and that maybe the reason I don’t want it is bc I have reservations that I want to drink again.
I don’t know what are all of your thoughts?

Filed under recovery tattoo recovery alcoholism sobriety sobriety date addict

6 notes

Built a deck in a day the other day and I haven’t had a pic of me on tumblr in a while so why not maybe ill post apic of me and my niece down the shore later. All is good right now, going through some stuff at work and thinking of quitting my job of 15 years. I think it’s my time to go off on my own. I have almost 4 1/2 years sober and maybe it’s time to change my life a little.

Built a deck in a day the other day and I haven’t had a pic of me on tumblr in a while so why not maybe ill post apic of me and my niece down the shore later. All is good right now, going through some stuff at work and thinking of quitting my job of 15 years. I think it’s my time to go off on my own. I have almost 4 1/2 years sober and maybe it’s time to change my life a little.

Filed under sobriety recovery hopeforthefuture lets make some changes